It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
