Have you finally orgasmed yet?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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