ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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