Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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