my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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