I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
its liver damage thursday
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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