Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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