Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
