I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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