I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
