foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
