i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
