My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
