john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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