i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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