Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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