Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
