More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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