How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
