I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
