I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
