Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
