respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
