I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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