Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize