im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
