Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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