My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
