its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
