I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
