I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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