My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he puts the penis in happiness.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
