i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
