Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
