I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
