from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize