They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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