My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
