I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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