My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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