neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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