Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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