New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
