If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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