No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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