so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
