cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
