What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize