"it" just moved
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
