it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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