Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
