I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize