My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
