Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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