oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
