he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
